It Was God the Whole Time ❤️
How I found Jesus when I wasn't looking and why I decided to share my Christian testimony and baptism.
Published November 1, 2026 on All Saints' Day
For 15 years, I walked away from Christianity.
But Jesus never walked away from me.
Today, on All Saints' Day, I'm sharing something incredibly personal. Something that I've never shared publicly before.
My Christian testimony and baptism, recorded in November 2024.
Most of you know me as Sylvie Rose, but that's not actually my birth name.
My name is Courtney Rose. Sylvie comes from my nana's name, Sylvia, and Rose is my middle name.
Although you've come to know me as Sylvie, the woman you're about to see in this video is Courtney.
I am emotional, crying. and struggling to get my words out. But I wouldn't change a thing.
This is a real moment in my life. A moment when I stood before my church community and publicly declared my faith in Jesus Christ.
After more than a decade away from Christianity, I had finally come home.
WATCH MY CHRISTIAN TESTIMONY & BAPTISM ON YOUTUBE
Growing Up Christian, and Walking Away
I've always been different.
When I was around 13 years old, I experienced severe bullying at a Christian school. It became so bad that I eventually had to change schools.
The experience left me struggling with anxiety, panic attacks and post-traumatic stress that followed me well into adulthood.
Throughout my life, I encountered people who identified as Christians but whose behaviour pushed me further away from God.
I struggled to reconcile the message of Christianity with the way I had been treated by people who claimed to follow Jesus.
And so, I walked away.
For approximately 15 years, I distanced myself from Christianity.
During that time, I explored different experiences, experimented with substances and followed a spiritual path that included meditation and alternative spiritual practices.
I was searching for understanding, connection and healing.
After giving birth to my daughter, I experienced postnatal depression. During that difficult period, I felt abandoned by people in my spiritual circle whom I had considered friends.
But my story didn't end there.
My Life Wasn't Falling Apart When I Found Jesus
There's something I want people to understand about my return to Christianity.
I wasn't desperately searching for someone to save me from a miserable life.
By the time I returned to Jesus, I had already overcome so much.
I'd spent years confronting my fears, working through anxiety and trauma, and learning to become comfortable with discomfort.
I had built a life that I loved.
I had a beautiful family.
I was happy.
I wasn't looking to heal from guilt, fear or shame.
And yet, something extraordinary was about to happen.
October 2023: The Events That Deeply Affected Me
In October 2023, I began witnessing horrifying images of the suffering unfolding in Gaza.
Following the Hamas-led attacks against Israel on October 7, the subsequent bombardment of Gaza and restrictions on electricity, water and essential supplies caused immense civilian suffering.
Watching footage of Palestinian families, particularly children, experiencing such devastation affected me profoundly.
As an Aboriginal Australian woman, I felt a particularly deep connection to what I was witnessing.
My Indigenous heritage and understanding of the impacts of colonisation made these events especially difficult for me to process.
I was deeply distressed.
And amid that distress, I began researching the religious beliefs of Jewish, Muslim and Christian communities.
I wanted to understand more about their histories, their beliefs and their relationships with God.
That curiosity eventually led me somewhere I hadn't expected.
Back to my Bible.
Reading My Bible for the First Time in 15 Years
I began reading the Bible again after approximately 15 years away from Christianity.
And something remarkable started happening.
Each time I opened it, I felt as though I was being directed towards exactly the parable, passage or story I needed to read.
Scriptures seemed to speak directly to the circumstances of my life.
At first, I didn't quite know what to make of it.
But I kept reading.
And then came Sunday, April 28, 2024.
The Palm Sunday Moment That Changed Everything
On Sunday, April 28, 2024, I opened my Bible to Matthew 21:1–11.
The passage describes Jesus entering Jerusalem, an event Christians commemorate on Palm Sunday.
As I continued reading, I realised something extraordinary.
That very day was Palm Sunday in the Eastern Orthodox Christian calendar.
I hadn't known the date beforehand.
I hadn't deliberately chosen the passage.
I hadn't even realised that Orthodox Easter followed a different calendar that year.
Yet there I was, reading about Jesus entering Jerusalem on the very day Orthodox Christians were commemorating that event.
I was in complete shock.
To somebody else, it might have seemed like a coincidence.
But to me, it felt deeply significant.
During that Holy Week, something changed within me. For the first time in years, I truly believed in my heart that Jesus Christ was the Messiah.
And I began experiencing what I understood to be God speaking to me.
God Called Me by Name
This is the part of my testimony that is the most difficult to explain.
I experienced something deeply personal that I understood to be God's presence.
I felt that He knew me.
That He knew my heart.
That He had seen everything I'd experienced, everything I'd overcome, and the forgiveness I'd shown in some of the most difficult circumstances of my life.
I experienced God calling me by name.
And suddenly, it was as though the world had changed from black and white into colour.
I remember speaking to my husband and calling my mum, trying to explain what had happened.
I knew how extraordinary it sounded.
But I couldn't deny what I had experienced.
For me, this was the beginning of a genuine relationship with God.
I came to understand something that would become central to my faith:
God is not religion.
My relationship with Him was more important than the mistakes of the people who had previously pushed me away from Christianity.
Finding My Way Back to Church
One day, my daughter and I walked into church.
And we never stopped attending.
We were welcomed into a community, and I began discovering what it meant to practise my faith alongside other believers.
Something that has always mattered to me is giving my daughter the freedom to make her own choices about faith.
I've never wanted to force her to attend church.
Instead, I want to lead by example.
And something beautiful happened.
She began asking to go to church herself, sometimes on days when there wasn't even a service!
That still makes me smile.
I believe that the most meaningful way to share Christianity is through the way we live.
Through compassion.
Through forgiveness.
Through service.
Through loving people, including those whose lives may look very different from our own.
My Baptism: November 2024
In November 2024, I stood before my church community to publicly declare my faith in Jesus Christ.
I was emotional before I'd even begun speaking.
I had written my testimony down, hoping I could read it without crying.
I couldn't.
But I shared it anyway.
I spoke about the bullying, the trauma, the years away from Christianity, my spiritual journey and the experiences that had brought me back to Jesus.
I spoke about forgiveness, compassion and the importance of not judging people who are struggling.
And I shared the words that had come to mean so much to me:
"I used to believe in the universe, but now I know that it's been God this whole time."
After sharing my testimony, I was asked whether I believed with all my heart, mind and soul that Jesus is the Son of God.
I said yes.
I was asked whether I committed to following Him for the rest of my life as my Lord and Saviour.
Again, I said yes.
And then I was baptised in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
It remains one of the most meaningful moments of my life.
The Words Spoken Over Me: Lazarus and the Power of Testimony
After my baptism, one of the men who had baptised me shared a message that I have never forgotten.
He spoke about Lazarus, whom Jesus raised from the dead in John 11.
He explained how Lazarus's story became a powerful testimony to the goodness, grace, mercy and power of God.
And he reminded me that a testimony can reach people in ways we might never anticipate.
He told me that he believed God would use my life and my experiences to reach others.
He encouraged me not to remain silent.
He spoke about opposition, faith and the importance of sharing what God has done in our lives.
Those words have stayed with me ever since.
When I look back over my life, I can see how the experiences that once caused me pain have shaped the person I've become.
The bullying.
The anxiety.
The difficult relationships.
The healing.
The forgiveness.
The years spent searching for meaning.
I don't believe those experiences were meaningless.
I believe God can use even the most difficult chapters of our lives for something good.
Another scripture was spoken over me that day:
Jeremiah 31:3 - God's everlasting love.
I was reminded that God's love is unconditional, but that His love also transforms us.
That following Jesus is not about remaining exactly as we are.
It's about continuing to grow, mature and become the people God calls us to be.
Why I'm Sharing My Testimony Now
My baptism took place in November 2024.
Now I'm sharing the footage publicly for the first time on November 1, 2026 - All Saints' Day.
All Saints' Day is observed by many Christian traditions as a day to remember and honour those who have lived faithfully before us.
I couldn't think of a more meaningful day to share this part of my journey.
I won't pretend that publishing this video is easy.
It's incredibly vulnerable.
Many people know me through my modelling and acting roles as Sylvie Rose.
Some people might be surprised to discover how important Christianity has become in my life.
Others may judge me because my life doesn't necessarily look like what they expect from a Christian woman.
But that's okay.
I never claimed to be a perfect Christian.
I'm still learning.
I'm still growing.
I'm still making mistakes.
I'm still seeking forgiveness and discovering what it means to follow Jesus Christ.
My testimony isn't about pretending that my past never happened.
It's about recognising that God was present in my life even when I didn't recognise Him.
I will continue serving God in my own unique way, using my life experiences to reach people who might not feel welcome in Christian spaces.
Christianity Should Be About Love, Not Condemnation
One of the most important messages I shared during my baptism was about compassion.
I believe Christians should strive to be examples of Christ without passing judgement on those who are struggling.
People experiencing addiction, hardship or difficult circumstances are often suffering more than we realise.
They don't need more condemnation.
They need compassion.
They need love.
They need people who are willing to see their humanity.
I want to encourage Christians to live out their faith through their actions.
Invite someone to church.
Pray for your enemies.
Bless a stranger.
Forgive someone who has hurt you.
Show kindness to people who may never be able to repay you.
Remember that the person you might be tempted to judge could be fighting a battle you know absolutely nothing about.
A Note About October 7, 2023 🕊️
During my recorded testimony, I refer to witnessing the genocide in Gaza on October 7, 2023.
I want to provide some additional context about what I meant.
I was referring to the devastating events that unfolded in Gaza following October 7, particularly the restrictions on electricity, water and essential supplies, and the ongoing bombardment that followed.
Watching footage of the suffering of Palestinian civilians online deeply distressed me. I witnessed heartbreaking images of families and children experiencing unimaginable devastation, and it affected my mental health profoundly.
As an Aboriginal Australian woman, I felt a particularly deep connection to the suffering I was witnessing. My own Indigenous heritage and understanding of the impacts of colonisation made those events especially difficult for me to process.
I also want to acknowledge the horrific Hamas-led attacks against Israel on October 7, 2023.
My heart goes out to the Jewish and Israeli families who lost loved ones, those who were taken hostage, and everyone who continues to carry the trauma of that day.
Acknowledging their suffering does not diminish my compassion for Palestinians, just as grieving for Palestinians does not diminish the suffering of Jewish and Israeli people.
I believe we can hold compassion for both peoples without treating their suffering as a competition.
My testimony reflects my personal experience, the emotional impact these events had on me, and the spiritual journey that followed.
As a Christian, I pray for peace, justice, healing and the protection of innocent lives.
I pray for Israeli families.
I pray for Palestinian families.
I pray for everyone grieving a loved one, living in fear or longing for safety.
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God." - Matthew 5:9
May God bring peace to both peoples. ❤️🕊️
A Message to Anyone Struggling ❤️
Content note: This testimony discusses mental health challenges, emotional distress and difficult experiences.
If you're struggling with suicidal thoughts, please know that you are not alone.
Your life matters.
You are loved, you are valuable, and you deserve support, even when life feels unbearably difficult.
Please reach out to someone you trust or contact a professional crisis support service.
🇦🇺 Australia
Lifeline: 13 11 14 (24/7)
Lifeline Text: 0477 13 11 14
Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467
🌍 International
Find support in your country: https://findahelpline.com
If you're in immediate danger, please contact your local emergency services (000 in Australia).
Please stay. Your story isn't over. ❤️
It Was God the Whole Time
Looking back, I can see how much my life has changed. But I can also see how much of who I am has remained the same.
My compassion.
My desire to help others.
My willingness to speak openly about difficult subjects.
My belief that people deserve love and dignity, even when their circumstances are complicated.
I don't believe becoming a Christian means erasing everything about myself.
I believe it means continuing to grow into the person God created me to be.
If there's one thing I hope you take away from my testimony, it's this:
You don't have to have everything figured out to begin exploring faith.
You don't need to have a perfect past.
You don't need to have all the answers.
And you don't need to pretend to be somebody you're not.
For 15 years, I walked away from Christianity.
But Jesus never walked away from me.
I used to believe in the universe. Now I know it was God the whole time. ❤️
Thank you for reading my story and allowing me to share such a deeply personal part of my life.
With love, faith and gratitude,
Sylvie Rose🌹
Watch My Full Christian Testimony & Baptism
My testimony and baptism footage, recorded in November 2024, is now available on YouTube.
I'd love to hear from you if my story resonates with your own journey of faith.
“Be still, and know that I am God.” - Psalm 46:10